Making intentional choices.

These last weeks I have set out to be more intentional than I ever have, most likely in my entire life.  When I say intentional, I mean that even when I don’t feel like reading the bible, or visiting my neighbors who are beyond poor, or making time to love my neighbor as myself - through my actions… I mean that I do it because I know it’s right, I know that I will be extremely blessed through it, and I know that it’s simply what God has asked me to do, when He says follow me. Because if we lived and did things according to how we feel… well – I won’t even touch on how unproductive and how not so purposed our lives would be.
 

You may think that it’s always natural and easy for people living in such need and piercing poverty on every side, at every moment.  But it’s not.  It’s a choice to go outside the gates and engage with the amazing people we live among.  It’s a choice to make time when I am walking in the road with Malaki when an exhausted older Mama, Renat clasps my hand tightly into hers and says come down the mountain to my house.  (As I think to myself - it’s almost 6 and I must have the kids bathed and dinner on the table at exactly six). It’s a choice to care enough to ask questions that reveal her husband just died, and also 4 of her precious children over the past years; in which I knew she wanted me to join her for a brief moment in that pain, that loneliness.  It’s a choice.  An intentional choice, that is not always easy and surly not because we feel to do it.  At times, yes, we are compelled and compassion fills our hearts until they are near bursting.  But other days, it’s those intentional choices. 

 

I have made a choice, an intentional choice to make time for people, especially those right in front of me.  I have made a choice to not be so attached to all the beautiful things in my home (I love house décor, as all my new décor from IKEA Germany would strongly attest), I have made a choice to love my neighbor as myself, or at least to try… nipping my selfishness where it run rampant the most.  At times I reassure myself I deserve a comfortable life and that material things are clearly blessings from the Lord… and many times, they can be.  But a truth I am realizing is that it’s not about having nice possessions in balance with giving to others which seems to be the problem, it’s when we begin to love our and hold our possessions to dear in our hearts, at times closer than we hold the words that God speaks to us and the hurting people around us that God has demanded we love as ourselves.  Love your neighbor as yourself? What does that even entail…?  
 

I want to walk out obedience to God’s words far above the love I have for any of my earthly possessions.  And I want to cultivate in my heart intentional actions and choices that clearly attest to that in my life.  Plus, if Malaki has 5 pairs of shoes; why not give one away, or two that other children can have the joy of wearing such a treasure; still leaving 3 behind...  I have yet to meet a child that can wear all 5 pairs of shoes at one time.  Anyway, every time we give more it never fails that we have more; I speak of the loads of people that bless us with all kinds of bags and bags of clothes and things for both our family and the kids at our homes.  Never-ending, and touching our hearts every-single-time.  I can almost hear the argument creeping up “but only give out of what you have… because you don’t want to become poor in the midst of helping the poor… right?”  In these last seasons of life I have honestly felt richer in experiences and the pure lavishing joy that falls upon a person when lives are restored, hope is given and love is shared than any joy or excitement I have ever gained from any material things on the face of the earth.  At this point, that seems to questions much of how I have understood “the richness of life verses contentment in the past decades.
 

It’s the intentional choice to read the bible every morning before I begin work… why?  If I choose not to, my work would become much more urgent, much more demanding and in the end – I wouldn’t have taken any time at all.  At times like today, I inwardly fought to do so thinking how important the work I had to accomplish was.  So I mustered up my self-control, thinking – Lord, you are all I live for, you are everything – it doesn’t even make sense to not be able to start this new day he has given me without taking time with him.  Through my intentional choice today, He spoke an unwavering truth so kindly – yet sternly to my heart. 
 

Matthew 19:16-22

Let me sum it up for you.
 

A young ruler approached Jesus and he asks him - What can I do to have eternal life?
 

Jesus says: well, if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.  You know the ones that talk about not murdering, don’t steal, don’t bear false witness, don’t forget to honor your father and mother, and of course you need to love your neighbor as yourself.
 

The young guy then says, well yeah – I have kept these very things from my youth…. What do I still lack?
 

The Jesus said: If you want to be perfect, go sell what you have and give it to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; and come follow me.
 

After that, the young ruler heard the words of Jesus and we walked away sorrowful because he had great possession’s.   
 

Today, I am challenged to have the right posture in my heart… may God be superior to all things I conjure up in my heart and mind, may he reign above any attachments I have on this earth be it material things or relationships.  May He be King, today in my life.  And day by day may I make the intentional choice to keep him there… right where He belongs.

I will love you at a standstill, today.

Descending to Buja with Bell to get some work done, down a 45 minute road that many are hesitant to tread due to the massive amount of car crashes and detours off the side of the mountains unto destruction. 

I call this my “healing decent” as it never fails in the times when I am alone or with the little ones, the Lord brings just what I need, at just the right time.  Honestly, this has been such an exhausting time in our lives in which I would have hoped to get a grip on things upon Isai’s return.  However, these last weeks have seemed to be never ending with the needs of our kids, staff, transitions, death, absences, new projects, what do we think, feel and want to do’s about just about everything…. Plain and simple, I just needed some encouragement.    

Interestingly enough, I needed some encouragement and the Lord brought just that through encouraging me to pour myself out all the more and He would fill me, once again.  You know, with that good peace (that peace that … yes, surpasses all understanding), the joy… sound mind and all the other amazing things He fills us with.  As I continued down my “healing decent” these are the very thoughts that flooded my mind and have restored my heart.

I don’t want to just love you driving by.

I want to love you, face to face at a standstill.

I want to care enough to know if you’re hungry and lacking,

To care enough to embrace you in comfort,

 as you mourn the loss of yet, another one of your precious children.

I want to love you at a standstill.

 

I want my love to be compelled and compassionate,

The love that does and just doesn’t observe saying “what difference would it make, anyway..”

I want to lay my comfort and my long organized to-do-list down

Moving every excuse aside that justifies and makes me feel just fine

With turning a hungry belly away, or a troubled soul to go on their way without prayer.

I want to love you at a standstill.

 

I want to look into your eyes and know your burdens are real.

I want to care enough, to try to help, in any way that I can.

I don’t want to be overwhelmed that there are thousands more hurting like you around me.

You, alone are at a standstill before me, not the other thousands hurting just like you.

I can bring change to your world, because there is only one you,

and there will be the next you and yet another you…

 

May your hope be restored, today.

I want to help you lift the world off your shoulders, today.

I do care enough to do something, today.

I won’t make any more excuses, today.

I will give you all I have to offer, today.

I will love you at a standstill, today.

Help me to see things the way You do...

God I look to you, and I won’t be overwhelmed… give me vision.

Help me to see things the way You do.

                                                               - Words from a sweet song to my soul. 

Isai returned home, and told me – my heart will be where I am; Burundi is our home because our hearts are here, and we are here.  And thus, our vision is strengthened and Isai is back… refreshed, refocused and we are reminded of the call, the call we responded to in moving our lives, our hearts to this beautiful broken nation of Burundi just about 4 years ago.
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We are recommitting to pouring ourselves, all the more into our staff, our kids… our community in the way in which God has intended, to give it all.  Every ounce of Jesus, we have in us… every bit of counsel, love and patience that we can live out.  Our times in our weekly ministry time with the staff have been precious and a real change is coming forth in their hearts; a tangible hunger for Jesus, a desire for righteousness and holiness.  With the kids, we started teaching those in 4^th and 5^th grade computer programs starting with basic typing.  They are all growing up… how time is flying as some are entering into their teens - turning into fine young ladies and young men through much guidance and correction… love and grace upon their lives.
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We have had visitors come, visitors go.  Recently, three amigo’s from Idaho came for a few weeks.  They left a mark on our family and stirred the fire within our hearts for Jesus, many precious moments shared together.  Day 1, they were visitors… day 3, friends.  The next day, they became family. 
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The ball is officially rolling for our clinic as we turned in our first of many documents to the Ministry of Health.  A clinic in which will be a huge testimony of compassion for a community that is suffering.  A staggering statistic heard a few days ago at a meeting concerning Burundi’s Healthcare system; 50% of doctors in Burundi are catering to 6% of the population located in Bujumbura (Burundi’s capital), the other 50% of doctors support the remaining 94% of the population living in upcountry rural Burundi.  In Bukeye, our recent research has confirmed that there is one registered doctor to a population of 80,000 people.  We will in fact relieve an immense burden and the suffering of so many through our clinic… that will be located on a beautiful mountain top surrounded by valley – The Village of Jeremiah 29:11, where futures are restored.
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As for our little and big bundles of joy, Kai & Bell; it has been a priceless time lately.  Kai for one is just sweet yet strong, courageous yet wise… sometimes I watch him while he sleeps in awe of how beautiful he is. (It’s true!) Bell is 4 months today, captivated by the presence of Isai and me.  Trying “oh, so hard” to sit up and be a big girl.  Malaki falls asleep holding her hand, every-single night.  That very same hand he occasionally bites (really hard) to get a reaction from his sweet little sister.  Life has been a sweet story, written by the hands of a good, good Author.  And for that, we together are grateful.  All our love, until next time...