It is well, with my soul...

Today, we remember our precious son Isai Lazarus who though never took a breath in our world has made a lasting impact on so many... and surly his legacy lives on. 3 years old, today. I can imagine hes sitting on the lap of Jesus, declaring truth and justice, or simply playing soccer... only the Lord knows.

Sometimes we think and imagine what life would be like with Isai Lazarus... it's a reality. However, we know that God turns all things to good for those who love Him and are called by Him, and today... today, it is well with my soul. With our souls...

The more I ponder on the word "stillborn" which is what they call a baby who is born dead (having died in the womb or in delivery during birth etc.) The amount of weeks old the baby is determines whether it's a miscarriage or a still born. I think on this word and the meaning behind it, and all I can get from it was that he was still born... meaning although he didn't take a breath on earth, he was still living, and he still died. He still had a life, a soul, a precious heart... a purpose and was a beautiful little baby at birth. I know the Lord has a great purpose for him... even now being in heaven. He was created to love and worship God. A purpose, we here on earth often find at the bottom of our priority list after our work is done and so on. But I can imagine, that Isai being just being a small child knows his purpose and is walking it out in the heavens. Today, as I think of our son I am reminded that we are but pilgrims in this world, waiting for our inheritance... waiting till the time that we join our little one. I am reminded that my sole purpose in life is to love and worship God in all things that I do. I am reminded through the remembrance our Isai Lazarus. I no longer feel a deep pain when I think our sweet boy, but rather a inner peace and joy. Longing to see him again. Longing to see Jesus.

We miss you little warrior... and will meet again some day if the Lord wills. All our love...

Kirundi, French, Swahilli.... and English too!?

Recently, I started inviting the children to our house in the afternoon to learn English... a new environment, motivation to focus and so on! They are all on board, except the little ones of course and had a blast! English is key for them to learn as the government and schools are in the transition in the coming years of using English as the official language. Really, I should of thought of this idea in the beginning of summer...! I suppose it's never too late to start something good. Most children here, and most adults learn up to 4 languages. Kirundi, the national language. French, the official language. Swahilli, the Central / East African language. And English, being a all around the world language and soon to be official language! The kids are so smart, and love to learn. I'm hoping Malaki can know English and Spanish in our home, and Kirundi he can learn with the children and staff. He already is picking up so much in his understanding... our sweet little boy.

Please be praying for Alice, pictured above with the blackboard writing of Thursday / Friday. Yesterday, Audrey brought her to the capital to see a good doctor and they informed us that her ear drums were blown out... they described them as "broken". I will have more information when they return today, although the Doctors indicated the only way to help treat her is by operation in nearby Kenya or possibly India. Once again, I will have more adequate information today... just wanted you to join us in praying for her. May God heal her and take away this intense pain she has had for a long time... All our love...

This journey we call "life"

Precious Bambino, above. Life is forever changed with him, and we are grateful to God for that. I've been spending alot of time lately just thinking on this journey we call life...

Our purpose, what takes our energy and time each day, questioning if we are being good stewards of this life we were given by God. Created for a purpose. Created to serve, to love, to be drawn unto His heart, transformed and to be a light unto this world.. that in return others come to know this amazing Jesus that has forever changed our lives. I am firm believer that the things we take time for each day are things we enjoy, things we are passionate about, things we must do to simply live. I want to live a life... to walk this journey called life with Jesus in the center of it all. Oh, how I want this. To read his word, because it helps me to know more about Jesus and the Kingdom of God and leads to the way of truth and Holiness. To spend time with God... real, precious time. Why. Because for any relationship, it needs time and effort to grow. And I want to grow closer to God. Closer than now, closer than before. Why. Because He is the only true peace. He is the only unfailing love, He is the only constant thing I will ever find and hold true.

The Spirit and the Bride say "Come Lord, Jesus, Come."

I used to be lost. But now I am found in Him. I think daily. What do I have to offer our children... love, yes. teach them English and skills, yes. simply to just hold them, yes. But that's not enough. They need my supplier. They need the King of Kings, the one I run to, the one I encourage them to run to. Sometimes, in life we find ourselves in the midst of a much needed routine in the midst of much work and demand. But with all that put aside, I see clearly, daily I need to lean on Jesus. Daily I need to give him my time, my effort... and my heart. How unforgiveness and bitterness loves to just make its home within my heart. But there is a better way, there is a way that leads to life. Today, I am reminded. Establish your heart in the Lord, for Jesus is returning. This is reality. May this be the reality I live for, as we walk on this journey called life. In the midst of so much suffering our eyes witness, we can only offer them Jesus. And this, was, is and will always be more than enough. I leave you with this - what takes up all your time each day, your efforts, your thoughts? All our love...

My heart, broken within me.

There's alot on my mind lately, unfortunately there wasn't any picture that could describe the deep pain and emotions within. Therefore, this post is picture less.

I've been sick lately, and really, it's a bit challenging being in Bukeye at times; being sick. No stores to buy comforting foods (besides bread, yogurt and peanuts; in which, I don't personally find any comfort!), many people crowding me (as they don't see Muzungu's too often), many people wanting to grab Malaki (as they don't see babies like him to often), and I guess the effort it takes just being here (and that effort is somehow failed in the midst of being sick). A friend asked us recently being completely transparent, "pray that I will have compassion and mercy instead of frustration and exhaustion in the midst of being around many people who are very poor; pray that I can be more like Christ". This is a reality I was thinking today also... as I just wanted to tuck myself away in my bed and get past this mean sickness! In the midst hearing near our fence "Mama Malaki!, Malaki, ingo!" Children calling out to me, and for Malaki to come out to play. In America, our lives were a whole lot more private as you can imagine even being friendly open people, and here... living in the mountains among the people there isn't to much privacy. And that's O.K. It just takes a little getting used to... especially when being sick! Things are a little different at our house in the center of Muramvya as we have been there for 2 1/2 years and have been able to make things comfortable, but in Bukeye (a little more into the bush as people would say), it's a transition that is taking alot more effort and its clear this community is alot more poorer and in need then in the center of Muramvya. (There are 5 Communes or cities as one would say inside of Muramvya "a province", and Bukeye is one of those communes).

Living among a people that are desperate, hurting, in need... a continual cycle of poverty. One needs grace and patience from God. Why not be completely open? My heart is broken within me. Yes, the genocide that flowed over from Rwanda in 1993 - 1994 is finished and over, leaving some 300,000 Burundians dead and massacred. Yes, wars continued on... and yes, the last rebel group finally surrendered and became a political party in 2009 (16 years after the genocide). Yes, that's all said and done. But the reality is, the after affects of war live on. The cycle of poverty, dependency on programs, and desperation live on... in real ways. War, as it does in any nation affects a people so deeply the process to move forward, heal and leave the past behind is so delicate. But my heart, is broken within me. Right now there are many rumors of all types of killings... rumors. I'll leave it at that. God knows... Burundi, when will you find your peace? A beautiful land that used to be known for prospering and kindness... has continued to follow the way of violence and many people, are simply tired.

It's interesting the prospective one can have of "Africa", thinking... "there will always be starving children, there will always be rebels, it will always be the most devastated and poverty stricken continent as we know it." The news is faithful to share glimpses of this... Sometimes we even think, it doesn't affect me, why should I be concerned? But when you live here, and make friends, and your friends become your family, and you begin to have a deep love for that family; you begin to question why it has to be so. You begin to hope for change because of the deep love you have for those that call this their homeland. America and Burundi, two worlds away, to very different worlds. My heart cries out, Burundi, unite and grab hold of that peace, that peace you once knew. My heart cries out.

I was recently reading an article by Rene Lemarchand and she wrote: Burundi has the sad distinction of having experienced the first genocide recorded in the Great Lakes region of Central Africa. In the summer and spring of 1972 between 100,000 and 200,000 people were taken to their graves in the wake of a Hutu-led insurrection. Though largely overshadowed in public attention by the far more devastating bloodbath in Rwanda – a total genocide – the ghastly carnage in Burundi undoubtedly qualifies as genocide, or at least a selective genocide. The key difference is that in Burundi the Hutu, not the Tutsi, were targeted for extermination. In both cases, however, the killings were intentional, and deliberately aimed at a specific ethnic community.

This post was to bring of awarness... this post is to share my heart, broken within me. This post is for our Burundian children that we love, our staff that we have grown so close to, and our Director that we have grown to love like a sister. Our friends, who hold us up. All our love...

a joy unspeakable.

This little boy, right here is a character alright! Here are some moments from the past week, captured in beauty, giving us a joy unspeakable... Malaki, you bring a light into this world. It's nice to think that one day, his Kirundi will be so much better then I could ever hope to speak it! At home we speak English and Spanish with him, but with the children and staff it's always Kirundi...

As for me, exhausted I sit back tonight in amazement as I meditate on Jesus, our Savior. I have been getting together every Monday night with the Pastor's wives from one of the churches we are partnering with and every time, it never fails I am left in awe of God. We thought it would be a good idea to come together for a time of teaching and prayer... seeking to be transformed in the love of Christ... and see where it takes us. In all my time in Burundi, never have I experienced with a group of women such a pure transparency and desire at any cost to humble ourselves before God, that Christ can be made known through us to a hurting world. For the first time, it's not all about what I have to offer in this country; but together we are growing in the love and fear of God... together. And its a beautiful thing. Being a foreigner in a foreign land is a cost for anyone... and usually quite exhausting as you are often poured out like a drink offering (it's an expression!)... however, it is vital in every aspect of our lives to find that place where we can be filled, strengthened and refreshed once again. Privately, yes and also in the aspect of community. Tonight, I have a joy. a joy unspeakable.

Little one, go therefore into the world... and simply love.

The bubba's. An amazing little boy indeed. Someone once told me that living here in Burundi, I would be amazed at how many doors would be opened and how many opportunities would come forth because of our children. I thought inwardly in ignorance "Even without children, God can open doors"; my pride speaking of course having not had a child at the time... But, I missed the point. These last few days, those words are brought back to remembrance as they are played out before my very eyes.

Malaki and I are in Bukeye with Isai from Wednesday to Friday each week and we are back at square one, getting to know a new community once again. You see, our land is in Muramvya, but another commune about 30 minutes from our children's homes... and here, we are alot more rural then in the center of Muramvya. I think we are the only foreigners living here in Bukeye as I haven't seen any others.. and usually, you would know! What I am trying to say in the midst of all this is Malaki is used by God in so many ways here, it blows my mind. With government officials who love him and want to hold him, to all the mountain people that are drawn to him simply because they don't see little light skinned babies to often if at all. Daily, at our house in Bukeye that has a little bamboo 4 foot fence around it, there are loads of children waiting for him to come out and play. I still remember how distant Cedria was when she came to us, and Malaki would just walk up to her and embrace her. I mean, what else can you do when a 1 year old at the time walks up to you just to rest his head on your shoulder!

I. am. amazed. At 1 year and 2 months, he is breaking barriers in the spirit and natural that I could only hope to do. Just in the pureness of his heart, he goes forth. Besides the beauty of this time, and Malaki making the front of our house the playground for the whole road... things are good. His molars are coming in on both sides, and I can imagine it hurts quite a bit as he has been really fussy lately!

Isai had a great birthday as we celebrated at a pizzeria in the city with some friends. On Sunday we celebrated with the children and they all surprised him with cards and songs! A precious time. All our love...